My Anxiety

So this is where I share more about myself, and my struggles with anxiety.  Everyone has things in their own respective lives that make them feel anxious or worried.  These things may include employment, income, debt, family struggles, and so on.  For too many years I convinced myself that my worries were “normal”.  Before I knew it, my worries were controlling my life, mood, perspective, and relationships with those around me, even those close to my heart.  My following words may not have much of a structure from a writing standpoint…I feel like the best way to truly share my story is to simply just keep talking (typing) as the thoughts come to mind.

I have always been a worrier.  I have worried about everything, even things that have not even happened.  I am not a negative person by nature, but my anxiety has always led me to think that the worst possible thing will happen.  My self confidence has been compromised by anxiety.  I have always had a lack of self confidence, and when you have a “thing” in your head telling you that nothing is okay, it only makes it worse.  Think of it like this…everyone has things they are worried about.  For me…I have a thousand things going on in my mind that are not okay…or make me feel uncomfortable….and even 1 more thing on top of that can make me lose it.  Unfortunately, my wife has been affected by this.  On bad anxiety days, she would ask a simple thing of me, and that one more thing would cause me to lose it.  She has been beyond understanding, to a point that I am shocked, and blessed that she hasn’t left.  In fact, she was the person who encouraged me to address the situation and help me to fix myself.  I have an incredibly awesome and loving family too…on both sides.  Even with this incredible supportive and loving family…I have had many dark days.  There were times in the past, before I sought treatment for my GAD..that I wanted to give up.  I would be lying if I said I had never considered suicide.  Let me say right now, this was in the past…I do not have these feelings now, I just feel like I need to share these thoughts and feelings I had before I took the step toward treatment.  During those low times, I would be driving and imagine myself driving off the side of the road to kill myself.  I have been prescribed pain meds in the past, for dental issues, and found myself staring at them saying “take them all, this is your way out”.  Let me remind you, I am sharing thoughts from the past, I do not feel these things now, I Just feel it’s important to share the thoughts that were going through my head at one point in my life….and I now realize that a lot of these thoughts were anxiety driven.  My wife and family are truly the only thing that kept me from choosing to leave this earth by my own hand.  Now, I have sought treatment, and medication for the anxiety, and I realize that those thoughts of choosing to end my time here were selfish and stupid…yet I feel it is necessary to share these thoughts from the past to show what anxiety can truly do to someone.  Anxiety broke me….crippled me…left me helpless and hopeless.  These are true words from someone with general anxiety disorder.

It has been incredibly difficult to write this.  Let it be said that I didn’t write this for sympathy, or attention, but merely to make those of you who read this aware that anxiety disorders are real.  The next time you say “I’m so anxious about __”  Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who actually has an anxiety disorder.  You may never speak that word again.

Anxiety Myths

There are many myths regarding anxiety that only people who aren’t plagued by it believe.  As a person with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I would like to document these myths and address them on a personal level.

Myth #1   Anxiety is “all in your head” and is not a “real” illness.  Anxiety disorders are very real, refer to my previous post for some facts.  For me personally, this myth is insulting and hurtful actually.  Why would someone “choose” to be constantly worried, burdened, helpless, lost, and shackled by this “thing” in their head telling them that things are not okay?  That is a brief glimpse into how it actually feels.  I will touch on my personal experiences in great depth in the upcoming posts.

Myth #2   Someone with an anxiety disorder should simply avoid situations that could trigger stress or panic.  Simply put…this is impossible.

Myth #3   Anxiety Disorders are uncommon.  Actually around 18% of Americans experience some kind of anxiety disorder in a given year.

Myth #4   Anxiety will go away if you just wait it out.  Not true at all.  There are many treatment options, and the first step is to talk to your family physician about what you are experiencing.  The average person with an anxiety disorder waits about 10 years to seek treatment.  I waited somewhere around 15 years, maybe more, to address my GAD.

These are just a few of the many myths about Anxiety Disorders.   Now that some facts and myths are out there, I will share more of my personal experiences with GAD in the upcoming posts.

I would also like to say, if you are reading this and you feel like you may have some form of anxiety disorder, don’t wait.  It will not go away….Waiting as long as I did to address my anxiety disorder is the biggest mistake I have made in my entire life.  So don’t wait….get help…it’s out there.

Anxiety Facts

I am going to begin my series of topics simply with some facts regarding anxiety.  I will touch on my own personal experiences here and there, but for this initial post, I am going to put some facts out there about anxiety.  The next topic will deal with the myths regarding anxiety, which I will put a more personal touch on.  …So lets just get some of the initial information out there.

Most people experience some feelings of anxiety before a significant event, like a job interview, a big speech, an exam, etc.  People with an anxiety disorder have these feelings for no reason….all the time.

Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental illnesses in America, affecting over 40 million people.

There are several different kinds of anxiety disorders.

Panic disorder—panic attacks, feelings of terror out of nowhere with physical symptoms such as chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, abdominal discomfort, feelings of unreality…etc.

O.C.D……PTSD….Phobias—we are pretty well aware of these.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder—Chronic, exaggerated worry about every day things, and things that have not even happened…accompanied by physical symptoms of nausea, fatigue, trembling, headache…etc.

I am among those with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Basically, everything worries me and I feel trapped and bound by this “thing” that tells me that everything is not okay, and the worst possible thing can and will happen to me or someone I care for.

Here are some differences between “everyday anxiety” and Anxiety Disorder

Everyday anxiety–worry about bills, employment, nerves before a big test or interview, a breakup, etc.

Anxiety Disorder—Constant unwarranted worry about everyday life, irrational fear of an object or place, repetitive actions (excessive cleaning, checking, touching), out of the blue panic attacks.

So there are some basic facts, and I will address the myths in my next post.

Introduction

My name is Andrew.  I am 34 years old.  I have suffered from anxiety for many years, but I didn’t truly accept it until a couple of years ago.  The purpose of this blog is completely unselfish.  I only want to bring awareness to those who don’t understand anxiety, and comfort to those who do.  I truly hope that maybe, in some small way, I can help someone.

Hello world!

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